


Batman and the Poisoned President

by SmartCoffee



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DC Animated Universe (Timmverse), DC Extended Universe, Poison Ivy (Comics)
Genre: 2016 US Presidential Election, 2020 US Presidential Election, Detectives, F/M, Instagram, Poisoning, Politics, Secret Service - Freeform, Social Media, Spies & Secret Agents, cola - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:08:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26160889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmartCoffee/pseuds/SmartCoffee
Summary: Who would want to kill Donald Trump? The Dark Knight must find out.
Relationships: Pamela Isley/Bruce Wayne
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

PRESIDENT TRUMP DEAD AFTER FATAL POISONING

Bruce Wayne felt a rare feeling - surprise. No president had been assassinated since Kennedy in ‘63. Presidents are surrounded by Secret Service and a ring of heightened security. But DNN wasn’t the only network showing this news. FIX, MBNBC, and SBS were showing the same story. 

The FBI called him that very morning.  
X: Would this be Batman?  
B: Yes. Who is this?  
X: My orders are to identify myself as Agent 747X.  
B: I understand. What can I do for you, Agent?  
X: The president is dead and we need a detective.  
B: (feeling exhausted) I appreciate your, uh, predicament, but I stick to the city limits of Gotham City.  
X: (raising his voice) First of all, it’s much more than a predicament. Second of all, we know you went off-planet with Superman this year so clearly you break that little city limit rule of yours. Third, we would appreciate it if you were to serve your country voluntarily.  
B: And if I don’t serve voluntarily?  
X: We have certain powers of conscription, of drafting individuals. Look, let’s back up. Aren’t you the least bit curious about why someone would drug the Commander-in-Chief’s Cherry Coke?  
B: I know how to do good cop-bad cop and I know the idea of getting more flies with honey. I also know places where I can go where you’ll never find me. Let’s be very serious. You couldn’t find Osama bin Laden for years. But there is something you could give me.  
X: What’s that?  
B: Put me in charge of the investigation. I control the budget. I tell personnel what to do. Everyone reports to me. I report to the vice-president only. We do it all my way.  
X: Heh heh. You’re insane. We just wanted a consultant.  
B: Okay, my professional opinion is that I am the best person to be in charge.  
X: I hope I never have to deal with you again, you arrogant prick.  
\-----  
Batman’s Mobile Phone:

Dark Knight: Sorry, honey, but this weekend is off. Have to work on a project and it can’t wait. I’ll make it up to you.  
Dr. Ivy: Ugh. Why do I always feel like I’m not your highest priority? Fine. But you’d better be serious about making it up to me.  
\----  
“President Ivanka” T-shirts were all over Instagram that week.

Sales of Cherry Coke went up 375% that week.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Constantine gives the Dark Knight a little friendly advice.

Batman was examining a dossier he had put together on President Trump. He had been sitting in the Batcave in near perfect silence. 

A golden circle lit up on the floor. Strange symbols moved in four directions. A shadowy black liquid oozed up from the ground. John Constantine emerged out of the liquid. 

“You could’ve just called,” said Batman in a flat tone. 

“Check your texts, mate,” said Constantine. 

Batman had eight unread texts from Constantine.

“Do you have thoughts on this assassination?” asked Batman, assuming that Constantine wouldn’t bother him unless it was something of major importance. 

“Rather interesting query. No. I’m not here to share thoughts. Really it’s just one imperative. Pretty simple one,” said Constantine. 

“And that is?” asked Batman. 

“Stop!” said Constantine. 

“Why? What do you mean?” asked Batman. 

“There are dark forces at work here, with this president, who let’s face it, was more a Führer, than a president. But that’s beside the point. If this were just a standard whodunit about a greedy twit trying to steal the crown from a luckier twit, I would let you go to town on it. It isn’t. There are demons, spirits, and angels in on this job and you don’t have the training to handle it,” said Constantine. 

“I’m not going to mince words to spare your feelings. That’s a lot of bullshit. This is a huge case and the future of America may very well depend on it. I’m expecting this to be hard and maybe my hardest case ever. You’re going to have to do better than ‘run from the scary demons.’ Why did you even bother?” said Batman. 

“Because I think you’re a good person and I care about you getting hurt!!” said Constantine.

“Wait, do you mean you care about me like you want to be my boyfriend?” asked Batman

“NO!!” said Constantine.

They just kind of stewed in the awkwardness for a few seconds. Constantine phased back out and left.  
Batman flew the Batplane to The White House.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whose side is The Riddler on?

Batman felt totally out of his element in Washington D.C. No one talked to him. He had no leverage. Back in Gotham, he could cut deals with the Commissioner to let someone go. Here all the staffers and pages knew that if they kept quiet, Batman had little he could do to them or for them. 

One tidbit he got from a White House butler was that Trump had a cherry coke with lunch on a pretty regular basis. People in his inner circle would know this. If someone had lunch with him several times, it's something they would notice.

Batman talked to Nightwing and Robin about the case but they had little to offer except some generic words of encouragement. They knew he had a gift for solving mysteries and felt confident he could solve this one too. 

Since all the usual sources of information dried up, Batman turned to unusual sources. He asked Poison Ivy about why someone might poison a cherry coke. 

"The makers of Dr. Pepper say it has 23 different flavors blended in its recipe. I don't know if that's true but it's possible. If you have 23 flavors and add a 24th, you probably aren't going to notice it. On the other hand, if something is just one pure flavor like cow's milk, a new flavor will stand out. But that doesn't really explain anything," said Ivy.

"Why? That sounded logical," said Batman.

"But poisons can be odorless and flavorless. So it's irrelevant if you're adding to something with one flavor or a million flavors."

Batman made a visit to Arkham and the unnaturally white room of Edward Nygma.

"I want your help," said Batman.

"On the Trump assassination case, I presume?" asked the Riddler.

"Yes. How did you know?" Batman was taken aback by what seemed to be an improbable guess.

"You've never asked me for help on a case before so that suggests this is more difficult or more important than your other cases. Trump has died, at least according to the news we get in the asylum. That would be more important than your other cases but usually you work in Gotham only. But there's nothing particularly significant happening in Gotham. Also, some of your recent fights with the Joker and Ra's al-Ghul garnered you national headlines so you're becoming known at that level. So there's a major national crime and you're emerging as a national figure but the case is so difficult that you need to seek help from new places."

"That's first-class logical thinking at work," said Batman.

"That's the 23rd nicest thing anyone's ever said to me," replied the Riddler.

"I think you're supposed to say that it's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to you. That's the phrase," said Batman.

"But in my life, I can think of 22 distinct things people have said to me that are nicer. Considering how long I've been alive and how much people talk to me, making it to 23 is still quite impressive," said the Riddler.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Melania talks to Batman about Donald.

It was 11 at night in Washington D.C. and Batman was bored. He used his grappling hook to climb a few buildings and rappel down. But the people on the street now were unlikely to be the people who could help him. There were some low level crimes like muggings and assaults but without a relationship with the local police, busting these crimes would be more trouble than it was worth. 

A gorgeous blonde woman in a black jacket and black skirt approached Batman. She had a small envelope in her hand. As she handed it to Batman, she said,"Would you be interested in getting the First Lady's statement on the death of the President?"

This was strange. Why would she seek him out? How did she know he would be out at this hour in this neighborhood? Still, he had no leads and no motives on the case.

He would be a fool to pass up a chance to speak to someone as close to the President as his wife.

"I am interested. Can I take video of our meeting?"

"No video. No audio. You can take notes on paper only." 

* * *

She wore a white suit with black trim. Designer shoes that easily cost $2000 completed the ensemble. He had read that she had been a model in Europe and now he did not doubt it.

"Batman, it is a pleasure. I am sorry if I may be rude but I feel the grieving," Melania said.

"No, No, Mrs. Trump. You can be at ease. I have a bit of a reputation of being angry or difficult, but I often have to deal with quite tough people. I would never try to offend a grieving wife." He was careful to say 'wife' and not 'widow.' It was still a very fresh wound.

"Thank you. I am all yours. What would you like to ask?" said Melania.

Stranger and stranger. No one was this open after a murder. Or not quite. Sometimes people liked to make a show of having nothing to hide. 

"Did you love your husband?" asked Batman.

"Haha. Of course I loved Donald. That's silly," she said and her laughs seemed genuine.

"What did you love about him?" asked Batman

"He is the family man, you know? He puts importance on his children. He enjoys life, makes it party," said Melania, her English somewhat broken but fairly easy to comprehend.

"Did he have enemies - not just people who disagreed with him, but people who wanted to destroy him?"

Melania began tentatively, "Yes, but . . ."

There was a long pause. She put her hands over her mouth

"Mrs. Trump, if you could give me a name, it would be very helpful," said Batman.

She remained silent.

"I can protect you. I can ask Superman for his help to protect you. You have no reason to be afraid," he cajoled.

She closed her eyes, perhaps praying, perhaps imagining some happier reality.

"Vladmir Petrovsky. He is extremely dangerous. I don't care if you have a Batcave or if you can fly or if you rule the oceans. He is dangerous to everybody. I'm sorry, that's all I have to say."

"But I still have questions," said Batman.

"I made a mistake. I am sorry. You have to go."


	5. Chapter 5

Bruce Wayne woke up in the D.C. Hilton. He had a hot shower and used the coffemaker to brew himself a cup. He was feeling energized. He was halfway done with the beverage when he almost spit it out. He had turned on the TV to FoxNews. Reader, never turn on FoxNews when you are in a good mood.

"Yes, Chris, I did it and I felt I owed it to my country," said a sobbing Ivanka Trump.

 _Freaking Ivanka,_ thought Bruce.

Chris Wallace asked, "Can you elaborate what you mean by 'did it?' I just want to be crystal-clear."

"I gave specific orders to an unnamed individual to poison a can of soda with a fatal dose of strychnine. That can was set aside for my father, The President," said Ivanka. She spoke clearly and almost coldly but dabbed at her eyes with an expensive handkerchief afterwards. Bruce couldn't believe it, but he could have sworn for a split-second, three silver horns appeared above Ivanka's head. 

Chris Wallace said, "But why would you kill him?"

And they all laughed. 

\-------

Batman called Constantine. He had an important question for the master of the occult.

Constantine said, "Who's this?"

"It's your friend from Gotham."

"Oy, what can I do for you, mate?" asked Constantine.

"You gave me the impression that there were demons involved with this assassination. But it wasn't demons at all. It was just a woman who wanted the presidency," said Batman.

"Oh. Well, it's like you always tell me. You know you always say that magic and the occult is bullshit."

Batman paused, "So what do you really believe?"

"Sometimes magic is real and sometimes it's bullshit. This time it was bullshit."


End file.
